Discouragement

I had a different post planned for today. However, I think there is power in authenticity; in breaking down the facade of perfect so easily built through social media. 

I made a promise to myself to really try this horse training thing. I've been half-trying out of fear that I won't be able to do it. I do this in many areas of my life. As long as I don't try my hardest, I have an excuse for failing. If I actually try my hardest and fail . . . no excuse. I would have to admit I'm not good enough. This isn't healthy at all, failure isn't a reflection of personal worth, it is just a rung on the ladder of growth. 

I made this realization by listening to The Perfectionist Project by Sam Laura Brown. I absolutely recommend her blog and podcasts if you are a perfectionist and struggle with procrastination. But back to the equestrian content. 

I made a commitment to myself to regularly go to the barn this week, because I've been using a lack of motivation as an excuse to avoid really trying to succeed at training Avalon. 

True to my word, I dragged myself out to the barn. I had a plan (word of advice: never fall in love with your plans, because you have no idea what God has in store for the day). I lugged my equipment out to the arena. I traipsed through the long pasture grass.

I was expecting Ava to be a little spooky, since it was a windy day. All the Arabians I know are extra spooky in the wind. It impacts horse's ability to hear, which makes them vulnerable as prey animals. 

Watching the horses.

Avalon was a little spookier than normal, but mostly we were not on the same page. She is more herd bound than she was before and I may or may not have accidentally taught her to rear at barrels . . . oops. I have a bad habit of freezing to reevaluate when she rears which turns into an inadvertent release of pressure. 

As I led her back to the pasture she completely disconnected with me, running around, blowing me off, even barreling into my personal space. I would have liked to find a place to tie her away from herd until she calmed down, but I don't have a good place to do that. I had to let her go because I was going to be late to work. 

I left the barn feeling discouraged. Immediately my mind went to "you're not good enough" "you're making her worse" "she doesn't trust you". But I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself bad days are part of the horse world, of any world. I am working with a living creature that has choices and emotions. She isn't a little machine. As someone on Instagram reminded me: tomorrow is a new day.

If you're hitting a rough patch, whether that is a day or month or even longer. It's okay. It doesn't reflect on you as a person. You aren't alone. If you feel comfortable, comment below. I've found that the blogging community is full of helpful, kind advice. 

If things are going well with your horse, when was the last time you felt like you ran straight into a wall? Comment below and join in encouraging each other!