Gratitude in Uncertain Times (A Blog Hop!)

Amid the fear and uncertainty of the current times, I've been encouraged to see all the people coming together as a community. From Facebook to zoom to our own blogosphere - social media is reaching through the social distance. When I saw Liz's post on her blog In Omnia Paratus, I knew I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. In her words:

"...in an effort to introduce a bit of positivity and happiness amidst uncertain times, I thought I would share some of my gratitude items here in the hopes that our lovely little community of bloggers will echo back with some of their own. It's been awhile since a blog hop has gone around, but perhaps our little group can come up with a suite of them in the coming weeks to ease us through these unknown times?"

Here is my list of thankfulness:

• Community: I'm thankful for my family, for my friends, and for all my internet connections! I've been away from the people I normally spend my time with. My friends are sequestered in their own homes. Despite this, I have been able to connect with so many people through blogs, Facebook, and the internet as a whole. We are not alone, no matter how many feet separate us. 
• My faith: This time off as given me hours of free time to spend in my Bible and in prayer. It has been hard to carve out time for my relationship with Jesus between school and work. Now I can spend unadulterated hours listening to what my soul needs to hear. 
• My pets: I have an adorable dog and cat cuddling at my feet as I type. Time at home means more time spent with furry critters that I love. Depending on how the laws are handled, I might have more time to spend with Avalon as well!
• Sleep: As a busy full-time college student working full-time I am always low on sleep this time of year. But not this March! I'm getting a beautiful eight hours of sleep every night. Nothing should change that since college classes are online for the rest of the year.
• Hulu and Netflix: There is nothing like settling down to watch a show without the shadow of responsibilities and deadlines hanging over your head! It's basically a month of rainy days. 
• Nature: When it isn't raining, I still have free rein (rain?) to walk through my town or nearby parks. Spring came early this year. The world is basically begging to be photographed and put on Instagram!
• Crafts: I have a secret artistic side that hasn't seen the light of day in a long time. Now that I have free days without classroom hours, I can experiment with bullet journaling again!
• Water: I absolutely love to drink water (and coffee which necessitates water). It's easy to take for granted. Life is strange and scary right now, but we still have access to water. Thank God!

I would love to hear from more fellow bloggers. What are you thankful for? If you don't have a blog, let me know in the comments! Lets spread some gratitude around. 

Let's Do ALL THE THINGS!

Spring training has officially begun for miss Avalon. We started out slow, refreshing things she has already learned. I started playing with something new (accepting the bit), only to be interrupted by a herd of deer. One walked straight toward us. It might have gotten closer if Avalon hadn't tried to eat the entire bag of treats. The sound I made shooing her away scared the deer and off it ran. 

I snapped this photo as it turned tail and ran . . . but you can't see much unless you zoom in. They camouflage so perfectly this time of year. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling with the whole social distancing thing. As an introvert, I love being able to avoid social gatherings that stress me out. As an introvert, I still feel lonely and sad when I don't interact with other humans. Online classes don't start for a week and a half. It can be overwhelming, claustrophobic, and lonely at the same time.

But I have not done all the self development work over the last year for nothing. I know that feelings of overwhelm do not come from my circumstances, they come from the thoughts I have about my circumstances. I am choosing to change my perspective. I have often felt tired and overwhelmed and stressed this time of year. It is the last semester of the school year. If everything wasn't closed I would be in class right now. I would hardly be getting any sleep or anything to eat. I would be drowning in homework and work, barely fitting everything in. Hopefully I would choose to look at it in a more constructive way this year, but that is how I have felt in the past. 

I love playing with perspective. This is the same tree as the last picture, but this perspective is so much more artistic in my opinion.

Instead, I am sleeping for eight or more hours every single day. I can practice yoga, do my schoolwork, journal, train my horse, read books, cook, spend time with my pets, and watch Hulu or Netflix without the pressure of a strict time frame. I can go on walks. I can take naps. I'm saving money because gas is cheap. I'm making coffee at home instead of buying from my favorite coffee shop. I can catch up on laundry, listen to music, enjoy a podcast - the options are limitless. I can sit in my bed and read my Bible all day long if I want to. 

A pic I took last weekend when a light, wet snow fell and melted within a few hours. I took advantage of the weather to make a snowman and have a short snowball fight. Crossed both of those off my bucket list for the year!

Here is a short list of things that I am doing while the state is under quarantine:

(This is all my own opinion. I'm not getting anything to recommend any activities or businesses.)

1) Reading my Bible

I understand that this isn't for everyone, but I find comfort in my Bible. Ecclesiastes reminds me that sadness and despair are part of the repetitious patterns of life - as common as spring, winter, fall, and summer. 2 Corinthians reminds me that God is the "God who comforts the depressed" who sends "godly sorrow" that doesn't lead to death. If you have a relationship with God (or are curious and put God on that "I'll check it out someday" shelf) now is the time to dig in. 

2) Practicing Yoga

I started following along with yoga videos on Youtube in December of this year. I absolutely love Yoga with Adrienne. The workouts are perfect for practicing from home. No need for yoga pants or a mat as long as you have shorts, a t-shirt, and a carpeted floor. They can be as difficult or easy as you desire. I can't decide whether I am more impressed with my improved flexibility, strength, or peace of mind. 

3) Reading

The above are just a few of the books I've been reading or planning to read. Hope Rising and Encountering Our Wild God are both by Kim Meeder, one of the founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. I've read Hope Rising before, but it has been a while. I just started reading Encountering Our Wild God for the first time yesterday. One chapter in and there are already tear stains on the pages. I absolutely recommend both of those books. 

Mindset by Carol Dweck is all about her research on the fixed mindset versus growth mindset. This book contains truly life-changing information.

Finding Truth is a book by Nancy Pearcey concerning the Christian worldview versus several other worldviews. The book is deeply philosophical and heavily inspired by her time at L'Abri with Francis Schaeffer. 

4) Listening to Podcasts

I have probably recommended these podcasts before, but I'm going to recommend them again. I love The Perfectionism Project by Sam Laura Brown. This podcast is all about the maladaptive perfectionist mindset and how to find a healthy growth mindset instead. Sam is heavily influenced by Brene Brown, Carol Dweck, and other resources she has sought out. 

I also recommend The Confident Rider with Jane Pike. This podcast combines mindset work with the equestrian world. I recommend it equally to equestrians and non-horsey people alike!

I am going to put in a caveat here: both of the above podcasts contain a good amount of swearing. I am not bothered by that at all, but if you are going to be offended or distracted, they may not be for you. 

My last recommendation is The Olivia Towers Podcast. The link will take you to her Youtube channel, which includes vlogs and podcast episodes. You can find the podcast on many other platforms as well. Some episodes are focused entirely on the world of equestrian competition mixed with mindset work. Other episodes are all about Olivia's personal faith in Jesus. Personally, I am drawn to Olivia because of her brutal authenticity. 

5) Explore the Outdoors

Go outside! I'm going to be going for walks, hikes, trail rides, and adventures. I love taking photos of nature, whether of mushrooms or the sky.  

There are other things I am doing with my time, but these are a few ways to spend time while social distancing. How are you spending your time? What hobbies do you finally have time for? Can you think of more "bright sides" or positive outcomes from this stressful period of history? Let me know in the comments! We can still socialize over the internet!

Futility: A Discourse on the Times

the sun rises and the sun sets;

and hastening to its place it rises there again.

blowing toward the south,

then turning to the north, 

the wind continues swirling along;

and on its circular courses the wind returns.

all the rivers flow into the sea,

yet the sea is not full.

to the place where the rivers flow,

there they flow again.

all things are wearisome;

[humans] are not able to tell it.

the eye is not satisfied with seeing,

nor is the ear filled with hearing.

that which has been is that which will be,

and that which has been done is that with will be done. 

so there is nothing new under the sun.

is there anything of which one might say,

"see this, it is new"?

already it has existed for ages

which were before us.

there is no remembrance of earlier things;

and also of the later things which will occur,

there will be for them no remembrance

among those who will come later still. 

Ecclesiastes 1:5-11¹

 Those who know me know that my favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes. It is a book that some, if not many, Christians avoid due to its overall depressing nature. The book begins with the author declaring that everything is futile. The word "futile" is defined as "serving no meaningful purpose" and/or "ineffective" by the Merriam Webster dictionary. I don't know about you, but things are looking awfully futile lately. 

Unlike some people, I find great comfort in perhaps the most depressing book of the Bible. In the past, when I have encountered situations that filled me with grief, fear, or general hopelessness, I ran to the verses that empathized with those feelings. When illness, change, and fear are hanging thick in the air, I would rather read "For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God" (5:7) than have someone quote "Rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4). I'm not saying that we can't or shouldn't find joy in difficult times. I'm saying sometimes joy comes from embracing the ups and downs as part of life in all of its beauty and futility. 

I'm not a doctor or a pastor or an actual psychologist. I'm just a human with thoughts and opinions. I'm scared of what the future holds for me and the people I love. But there is a time and place for these emotions. As Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, "there is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance". Maybe verse 5 is more fitting, this is definitely a time to "shun from embracing." The comfort is that nothing is new. Some people are comparing this time period to the roaring twenties, with the Spanish flu and Great Depression. Maybe patterns will repeat, maybe they won't. Technology and internet are a great help. New things make us safer and more comfortable. However, this isn't new. Humanity has been here before, we will survive this and face it again in the future. God is still God. Everything is going to be okay. 

Remember: This is going to end. Whatever you are going through right now financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, will end. Your grief will fade with time. Your fear will pass. Illness will run its course. Someday we are all going to look back on this. Take every day for what it has to offer and just keep on. Forward is the way out. 

¹Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

²“futile.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, 2020. Web. 17 Mar 2020.

It's All About the Journey

This year has been full to the brim. I would be lying if I said it wasn't a struggle to change the patterns of my thoughts and actions. I've been living in routines of negativity, fear, and shame for so long. It takes of lot of energy to be self aware and change those patterns. The best decision I've made this year was to take every day at a time. There are a lot of cliches that have truth to them, but we've heard them so often that we don't see anything past the trite nicety. Living every day like it is your last is one of those cliches I have taken seriously. 

Many of the problematic behaviors I run back to time and time again (for example procrastination or negative self-talk) are ways to escape the past or the future. Anxiety about tomorrow, shame of yesterday. The problem is that right now, this moment is all I have power over. I can't fix the mistakes I have made. I can't predict the mistakes I will make. All I can control is the choice in front of me. Living in the moment that I can actually control has made all of the difference this year. 

I'm still tired and anxious. Perfectionism, shame, and a sinful nature have me constantly second-guessing my own worth and ability. But one day at a time, my mindset is changing. This is impacting my time with Avalon in tremendous ways. So many training sessions have been tarnished by the fear of failure or anxiety that I'm not good enough. Now I am learning to enjoy every moment, living with what I am presented with right now.

I've spent quality time with Avalon. I tried out some clicker training and played with training techniques I learned this year, but mostly we just hung out. This payed off when I removed her halter and she chose to stay with me instead of returning to her pasturemates. 

As for the other areas of my life, I missed some school and work due to what I believe to be a strain of the flu. I don't go to the doctor for viruses (their isn't much they can do), so it might have been a stubborn cold. Before you ask, no I don't have COVID-19. The symptoms are different. That said, I'm doing all of the hand-washing and elbow sneeze/coughing. The barn is my favorite social distancing spot. 

The gofundme reached 25% of our goal! How awesome is that? I'm amazed by God's provision and the generosity of human beings. It's starting to feel real. I haven't had too much time to think about it, between school, work, and my other responsibilities, but now I'm finalizing my plans. Some of the interns are already in OR and I've been receiving videos and pictures. It's a gorgeous area. There is a reason the ranch is called Crystal Peaks! 

Update

The snow melted enough to open the gate and explore.

Avalon and I haven't spent much time training over the last few months. The snow piled up, locking the gates shut. The cold motivated me to stay indoors. However, spring seems to have arrived early this year (we will see if it lasts). The beautiful warm weather is perfect to start training again.

Avalon forgot how to pose I guess. 

I loved the way that Avalon retains her training. Even after months with little to no contact, she picks up right where we left off. No extensive refreshers needed here! We spent some time exploring the snowy world outside of the pasture. To Ava, we might as well be miles away from home. The piles of melting snow transform the barnyard into an entirely unfamiliar environment - perfect for building trust. 

I love this body language. Her head is low, eyes pricked forward. I would like to see one ear on me and a looser lip, but that will come with time. 

Over the last few weeks we have practiced our basic groundwork and long lining. I have my bareback pad for long longing since the saddles don't fit well. It appears to make the cues harder for Ava to interpret. In a saddle the long reins pull straight back on her halter through the stirrups and toward my hands. In a bareback pad, the reins move up toward the withers and then back to my hands. I'll explain this better when I have photos. 

Curious pony needs to put her mouth on everything.

I mentioned a few months ago that I'm taking several classes on training and behavior this semester. As I'm learning more and more about reinforcement, punishment, the principles of behavior, and motivation I'm excited to try them out on my favorite guinea pig: my horse.