What Comes Next?

I'm running out of time in Oregon. As the season ends, people start asking what comes next. It's a familiar question. I heard it during my senior year of high school and my senior year of college. This time, my answer is different. 

First, I don't owe anyone an explanation. When friends and family talked to me about the future after high school I believed that I had to have a plan and it had to make sense. I had to justify my choices to the nameless mob that asked about them. Not anymore. No one has anymore of a clue than anyone else. I don't owe an explanation to anyone.

Second, if the Lord wills I will live, and do this or that. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, let alone five years from now. Plans fail. People die. Dreaming and planning is hopeless and empty if I am not living right now, today, to my fullest ability. 

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 

-from Philippians 1

Coffee and the Effectiveness of Prayer

 

The internship is almost over. I'm flying back to Wisconsin on Halloween, which only gives me 26 days in Oregon. Several people have asked me what I have learned during this season. It is a difficult question to answer. God has taught me so much that I'm starting to forget it again. 

I've learned a lot about prayer over the last five months. Prayer has become my primary means of making decisions, my first instinct in crisis, the way I start my day. The way I pray has changed and so have the reasons that I pray. 

I used to pray out of obligation. As a kid I was taught to pray before eating. This led to a hasty "DearJesusthankyouforthisfoodanddayamen" before I starting shoving food into my mouth. As a teen, I chose to stop praying before meals because the insincerity felt more offensive to God than anything else. In prayer meeting at church, I would spend most of the time counting the times people said "Lord" in their prayers with tally marks on my hands. Some people got up to thirty in the same prayer! Imagine if we talked to each other like that. "Hi Jenna, How are you Jenna? And Jenna I saw that you're in Oregon, Jenna. Do you like it there, Jenna?" Through my high school and college years I wrote prayers in my journal. I tried to write daily, but that didn't always happen. Even when it did, I would spend my dutiful five minutes asking God for what I wanted and then ignore Him for the rest of the day. 

It wasn't all bad, but I have learned immensely from working around the staff here at Crystal Peaks. I've never encountered as much prayer anywhere else. If there is a decision to be made, we stop, pray, listen, and do whatever the Holy Spirit instructs. That isn't to say there is always clear direction. But that leads to the next thing I am learning. Prayer really isn't about getting answers. 

Prayer is a paradigm shift, a reminder that God is God and I am not, a surrender. If you look at prayer in the Bible (The Lord's Prayer, the Psalms, OT and NT prayers), prayer is a form of worship. Prayer is taking the pain, fear, and problems we experience and saying, "I can't control this, but You can and You do and I am recognizing that." I'm realizing that prayer is not about what I want from God, but what I can offer God. Prayer is getting up every morning and knowing that by the grace of God, I have another day of life. Praying is knowing that every breath I take is a gift, that every circumstance is under His control and my purpose in life is to worship with my thoughts, words, and actions. I'm getting back into the habit of praying before meals, because I trust God to provide the food and insulin I need to continue living.

If you're still with me, you're probably wondering what all this has to do with coffee. 

God has taught me many different things about prayer, but it all started on May 30th. I love coffee. I drink coffee every morning and if I don't I get a killer headache. I brought coffee with me to Oregon, but it was all whole bean (I am a coffee snob, I admit it!). There was a coffee maker, but no grinder. At this time, I was alone in the boxcar, without a vehicle. I attempted to grind the beans by smashing them . . . yeah, that didn't work. So I prayed. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something like, "I know You are my only source of satisfaction, not coffee, but if it is Your will, I would really love a cup of coffee today." And then I went about my day. An hour or two later, a fellow intern texted me, asking if she could bring me a cup of coffee. I still can't believe it. It's amusing how much we pray without ever expecting our prayers to be answered. 

The moral of the story is: The point of prayer isn't to get whatever you want, but prayer does change things, even little things like a cup of coffee. 

My last point on prayer, is worship. Choosing to worship God whether my prayers seem answered or not, because He is God and he is good. Even if I never get my coffee, even if I don't have the medical equipment I need, even if my plans are ruined, even if I don't get the internship of my dreams, I still will praise Him. 

As Job says, "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him." (Job 13:15)

Horses at the Ranch

I miss working with Avalon, but here in Oregon I get to spend time with the herd every day. Here are a few of my favorites (they are all my favorite). 

What do you think this horse's name is? Jonas is a younger horse at the ranch. I enjoy his goofy attitude. 

This cutie is named Buckshot. He was the second horse I rode on the ranch. I was lucky enough to ride him in horse soccer during our drive-thru event. 

This lovely mare is named Elle. She was the very first horse that Crystal Peaks ever rescued . . . before the ranch even existed. The mare that started it all. Sadly, she passed away a few weeks ago. I'm forever thankful to have known her for as long as I did. 

Valor is another young horse on the ranch. He is a stunning Friesian gelding who loves to play with everything. 

Liberty Belle is a short, Arabian mare. She has a half brother on the ranch as well, but I don't have a picture of him. 

This is Hero, he has one eye and two bullets in his head. If you want to know more about Hero or any of these horses, I recommend reading Kim Meeder's books: Hope Rising, A Bridge Called Hope, Fierce Beauty, Encountering Our Wild God, and Revival Rising. 

This is Zephyr our resident fancy show horse (he's retired but shhh don't tell him). 

Zeke is a sweet, beautiful paint gelding I have had the pleasure of riding. He can't be ridden much because he is older and often sore, but he has a delightful personality. 

Left to right: Zeke, Buckshot, Eclipse (Valor's mom and one of our best session horses), and Valor.

This is Taylor, one of my veteran horses. She is older and retired from the session program, but I love her sweet, sensitive personality. You can find her in the herd by her huge right knee. I don't know what injury caused her right knee to double in size, but it doesn't stop her from galloping with the herd. She even walks faster than most of the horses.

I have been told that Halo was one of the wildest horses the ranch has ever rescued. You would never guess it now, as he is one of the sweetest, most well-behaved of the herd. 

Dakota isn't one of CPYR's horses, he belongs to my host family. My roommates and I have the pleasure of feeding and riding him on a regular basis, as well as his pasturemates: Luke and Zoey.

I don't have a good picture of Luke, but here is Zoey. I love to connect with her in the round pen. 

This is my other "veteran" assignment: Cassidy. Don't worry, she isn't as cranky as she looks. Cassidy is about 30 years old, but she loves trail rides. She runs literal circles around the other horses. 

She has the best "mare face" I have ever seen. Check out the wrinkles above her eyes and nostrils. I promise she is a sweet mare!

Sweet Robbie. I have never seen a horse as excited for food as this old man. He will nicker back and forth with you while you prepare his grain. 

Remnant survived hurricane Katrina and a life-threatening pelvis injury. He is a survivor! He is also one of the most kid safe, reliable session horses on the ranch. 

Nakia is another youngster. She hasn't been in training long, but her sweet, willing personality is going to be perfect for sessions. I'm excited to spend more time with her in the coming weeks. 

This is Bethlehem, Nakia's dam. I have been blessed to ride her on several occasions. What can I say? I love those grey Arabians! This is what Avalon will look like someday. 

This lovely lady is one of the newest herd members. Her name is Banner, and she has a wonderful personality. She loves to run. It will be awesome to see what she is like in sessions!

These are only a few of the horses on the ranch. It would take a much longer post to introduce them all. I chose these merely because I already had photographs to use. If you want to meet the rest, I highly recommend that you come tour Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch (post covid restrictions)!