My room had a nice view of the helicopter landing zone. |
I am home and settling into a new lifestyle. I have eaten my first home-prepared meal and administered my first insulin shots at home. So far so okay. At the hospital, several people asked me how I was feeling. I guess they expected more of a reaction to the diagnosis. Maybe it was because diabetes was on the list of diseases I thought I might have, but I wasn't surprised or horrified. I really didn't react at all until I got home and (finally) took a shower.
I collapsed on the floor (not from blood glucose this time) and cried and cried.
Not because I'm anxious and fearful and I miss eating unhealthy amounts of carbs and sugar all at once, although all those things are true.
I cried because I am so incredibly thankful.
I cried because I am so thankful for a body that fought for weeks or maybe months to keep me alive while my pancreas stopped producing insulin.
I cried because I am so thankful that I feel alive again. I didn't realize just how sick I was until I started to recover. I cried for having spit in my mouth to eat and talk and taste. I cried for being able to drink water again.
I cried for all the friends and family members who reached out to offer me their love, thoughts, prayers, and support.
I cried for the kind and hardworking medical team that kept me alive. For the medicine that will keep alive in the future.
From the time I arrived at the ER severely dehydrated with a blood sugar count over 700, through the multiple IVs, finger sticks every hour, blood work every four hours, I felt completely calm. I wasn't allowed any visitors due to COVID, but I was never alone. It wasn't until I looked back over this last weekend, that it hit me. I am terrified of needles. I hate the feeling of needles. Don't get me wrong - I did plenty of squirming. But overall all I felt was peace.
I sat down and I cried out in thankfulness. I spend so much of my time in fear of failure, shame, and rejection. But when I need strength, I have everything I need. And I am so incredibly thankful.
Nevertheless I
am continually with You;
You
have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
And
afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in
heaven but You?
And besides
You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73: 23-26
Discharge time! |
**Bruise pics below**