Unsafe Investments

My room had a nice view of the helicopter landing zone.

Well, what an adventure! Right when I thought things were crazy and new and exciting, God had yet another plot twist in store for me. Again I am reminded that I do not run the universe. If I did, I would not have spent the weekend in the hospital. I would not have to learn to manage my blood glucose with insulin. I would not have to count carbs.

I am home and settling into a new lifestyle. I have eaten my first home-prepared meal and administered my first insulin shots at home. So far so okay. At the hospital, several people asked me how I was feeling. I guess they expected more of a reaction to the diagnosis. Maybe it was because diabetes was on the list of diseases I thought I might have, but I wasn't surprised or horrified. I really didn't react at all until I got home and (finally) took a shower. 

I collapsed on the floor (not from blood glucose this time) and cried and cried. 

Not because I'm anxious and fearful and I miss eating unhealthy amounts of carbs and sugar all at once, although all those things are true. 

I cried because I am so incredibly thankful.

I cried because I am so thankful for a body that fought for weeks or maybe months to keep me alive while my pancreas stopped producing insulin. 

I cried because I am so thankful that I feel alive again. I didn't realize just how sick I was until I started to recover. I cried for having spit in my mouth to eat and talk and taste. I cried for being able to drink water again.  

I cried for all the friends and family members who reached out to offer me their love, thoughts, prayers, and support. 

I cried for the kind and hardworking medical team that kept me alive. For the medicine that will keep alive in the future. 

From the time I arrived at the ER severely dehydrated with a blood sugar count over 700, through the multiple IVs, finger sticks every hour, blood work every four hours, I felt completely calm. I wasn't allowed any visitors due to COVID, but I was never alone. It wasn't until I looked back over this last weekend, that it hit me. I am terrified of needles. I hate the feeling of needles. Don't get me wrong - I did plenty of squirming. But overall all I felt was peace. 

I sat down and I cried out in thankfulness. I spend so much of my time in fear of failure, shame, and rejection. But when I need strength, I have everything I need. And I am so incredibly thankful. 

Nevertheless I am continually with You;

You have taken hold of my right hand.

With Your counsel You will guide me,

And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73: 23-26

Discharge time!

**Bruise pics below**