I refer to Gambler as my dream come true. For years I told myself that I would never have a horse. I watched friends owning and riding horses, showing, jumping; always having what I wanted and never believed I could have. Gambler changed that. He opened up possibilities. I could ride, jump, train, show just like I had wanted to. When Gambler died, those possibilities disappeared again.
Grief brings on many negative thinking patterns. I used to repeat over and over to myself "we never got to . . ." I remembered all of the things that I thought I might like to do someday. And then someday was gone.
Avalon isn't Gambler. She isn't my magical dream come true. Gambler happened to me; I was passive. Avalon is the endeavor that I sought out. Together we are going to start checking off the list of things that I think I might like to do someday. Someday is today.
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